Layers

My life is full of layers. when i do my hair, i do it in layers. well first i get layers cut into it. then it has to be blow dryed...? in layers, then when i straighten it i have to do that in layers too. my faith has layers. layers i show strangers. layers i show friends, layers i show my best friends, layers i show my family, and layers on God and i know about. my heart has layers. my thoughts have layers. and my style of dress is usually layers. however one thing that has absolutely no layers is my patience. i use to be very patient. i was slow to show anger and slow to get bitter. now though i do not feel that way. i have hardly any patience, and as soon as you make me mad i will let you know and i sometimes become bitter. it rarely lasts but it still comes. 

I am the least patient with my friends now. and it isn't fair. i get the most mad when they cancel plans last minute. or don't answer or just plain ditch. i know i do it occasionally- yet i have tried very hard not to lately. it is irritating because sure they can make it up and do something later, but i can not. i am not on my own schedule anymore and i cant do whatever i want when i want. i think the anger mostly comes from feeling lonely. and today i feel lonely. 

i wish i could go "home" to massachusetts tonight. not for a vacation and not even for a long time, but just so i can sit on the rocks by the ocean, and just breathe. cry. watch the sunset. smell the salt water. hear the waves. watch the boats. and just breathe.